


I'd Miss You

by FamousSmuggler



Series: Requests and Oneshots [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Dark Thoughts, Drug Abuse, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Swapfell Papyrus - Freeform, Underswap Papyrus, attempted suicide, honeybbq, marmalade - Freeform, papcest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 14:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8375005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FamousSmuggler/pseuds/FamousSmuggler
Summary: Inspired by  this comic  by Nearlydeadzed on tumblr. They are a NSFW artist so be respectful guys.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [ this comic ](http://nearlydeadzed.tumblr.com/post/148818937040/recommended-music-pairing-you-mean-the-world-to) by Nearlydeadzed on tumblr. They are a NSFW artist so be respectful guys.

_ Why did I think anything would be different? I’m scum. Trash. Why did I think that I could be anything different? That anyone would care what I aspired to be? Was there a point to any of this? _

 

_...No. No, there wasn’t. Not anymore. I’ve caused too many issues for too many people. Oh gods, Papyrus. I treated Papyrus so horribly, made his life living hell. Why would Papyrus want someone like me around when he had people like Blue? _

 

Slim looked down at the bottles his trembling hands held, tear filled gaze unable to read the labels anymore. He was scared. Why was he so scared?! He wanted this, hell, he needed it. Slim knew nothing but pain for so long, it didn’t matter whether it was his body or his soul. It was unbearable. And he needed it to end, once and for all.

 

The pills rattled loudly as they hit the back of his “throat”, immediately washed down with almost half the bottle of whatever alcohol Papyrus had stored in his liquor cabinet. Whatever it was it burned and as things stood right now, that was all the mattered. It wouldn’t take long now. Hands gripped the countertop of the bathroom sink as if the porcelain fixture would steel him for what was about to happen. He wondered if it would be quick and painless like falling asleep after a long day, or if it would be violent and painful like a knife to the chest. Slim hoped it would be quick but as his non-existent stomach lurched, his soul pulsing tightly in his chest, Slim knew the pain was only beginning.

 

The first to give way were his legs, collapsing beneath him and dragging his lanky frame to the floor in an unceremonious heap. Arms shooting around his middle to brace for the ever increasing pain. It wouldn’t be long now. Slim could already feel his vision fading in and out, the erratic beat of his soul diving into a panic as the drugs took their effect, enhanced by the copious amounts of alcohol he chugged.

 

A sad, pathetic smile crept over his face, “I’m...so sorry, Pap-”

 

“Slim, I’m home! You here, bud?”

 

Slim shot his head up, sockets wide with quivering eyelights.  _ Papyrus was home!? Already?! _ No, nonononono! Papyrus wasn’t supposed to be home when this happened! Slim was supposed to be long gone before Papyrus was home, nothing but a pile of dust as the sorry memory of the monster he once once.

 

_ Damn it, damn it! Why!? Why did you have to come home Paps! _ He felt a crack form in his resolve, could he let Papyrus see him wither away? Would he even care if he did? Yes, of course he would. Papyrus was a good guy, a nice guy. Even if he didn’t like someone he would show remorse. 

 

Slim felt his stomach lurch at his rising panic and threw himself at the toilet, the hoarse dry heaves giving way to actual vomit after a few seconds. He couldn’t do it. Not with Papyrus here, Papyrus cared even if it was only a little bit. Slim couldn’t be the one to take that away from him. The thick, condensed magic forcing its way out again in another violent heave.

 

_ I can't...I can't let him find me! Not like this! _

 

Coughs reverberated harshly against his skull with every painful gag, the same voiced that plagued his mind for years now striking out against him in full force.

 

_ Worthless. _

 

_ Useless. _

 

_ Helpless.  _

 

_ Hopeless. _

 

Slim lowered his head as more of his magic forced itself from his body, the throbbing pain in his soul pulsing in tandem, convulsing with violent tremors. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t take it. Arms that once braced him over the bowl shook slightly before giving out completely, leaving Slim to curl in on himself in a futile attempt to ease the pain. 

 

**Knock! Knock!**

 

“Slim? You in there?” Papyrus called out from behind the door. Slim curled into a tighter ball and whimpered quietly, he didn’t want Papyrus in here. To see him like this: broken, pathetic. The other monster called out again, the need to vomit surging up at the increasing worry Papyrus had in his voice. Jaws crunched closed with a loud clank but it did nothing to stop the thick muck from forcing its way out of his mouth and splattering to the floor.

 

_ Please just go away, Papyrus! Please just let me go! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean to be a pain in the ass! _

 

Worry was now replaced by panic, “Slim! I’m coming in!” the door swung open and crashed into the wall, Papyrus obviously expecting the door to be locked. No time was wasted on pulling Slim up from the floor and into his lap, cradling the skeleton in his arms. “Slim, what happened?” Blank sockets sparked orange at the embrace, panic laden in their shivering forms.

 

Papyrus found him. He’s SEEN him...like this.

 

“Slim, c’mon I need to know what you did.” Papyrus tried again. He could smell the alcohol and saw what looked like a pill bottle but the labels were shredded and mostly covered in vomit. Slim just shook his head, tears collecting at his sockets. Apologies fell from his tongue in a stuttery mess and though he was looking at Papyrus, the gaze was vacant and pained. “No, hey, shhh! It’s okay, Slim. It’s okay. Just...just tell me what you did so I can fix this, okay?” Papyrus tried to keep calm but to see Slim so broken, so ready to give up. It hurt. How could he have not seen this?! How could he have not known?!

 

“It hurts Pap...everything hurts…” Slim mumbled “I’m so worthless, POINTLESS! Stars, it hurts! My body, my soul...they hurt.” Palms dug harshly into his sockets again and again until Papyrus grabbed his wrists away as gently as possible. The tears that formed now flowed freely from his abused sockets “I’m so alone…” Papyrus shushed him again. A gentle hand caressing his cheek to clean the tears that were falling.

 

How could he have not known?

 

“No, Slim, you’re not worthless.” He comforted, his own guilt edging along his mind “Why didn’t you tell me you felt like this bud? You know you can talk to me.” Slim shook his head again unable to meet at Papyrus’ gaze as he told him he cared about him and would always be there for him. That was a lie, it had to be. Papyrus just felt bad finding Slim like this, he couldn’t care! How could anyone care about a monster that can’t always be happy!

 

Slim hiccuped, giving Papyrus a small, sad smile “I was scared, scared that if you saw I wasn’t happy all the time you would leave.” He could see the tears forming in Papyrus’ eyes and his soul lurched, knowing he was the reason. “I’m sorry Pap! I’m sorry I’m not like Blue! I’m sorry I’m a pain in the ass who bums you out and makes mistakes! Would anyone even miss a worthless monster like me?” The confession ripped through Papyrus’ soul like a blade. To see Slim so tattered and wrought with grief and for him not to even have the slightest inkling that he felt this way tore him apart.

 

He could have helped.

 

He still could help.

 

“Slim...Slim, I told you once and I will tell you as many times as I have to,” Papyrus leaned down, his forehead clinking softly against Slim’s “You are terrifying and strange...and beautiful.” Arms embraced Slim as Papyrus tried to find the strength to continue “Just...just because people don’t always know how to love you doesn’t mean you aren’t loved, Slim. Not even for a second.” Papyrus’ voice clipped off, choking on his own sobs as the realization struck him again and again, he could have lost Slim. In the blink of an eye, Slim could have just been gone but now; however, Papyrus knew the truth. He knew of Slim’s fears, of the darkness clouding his mind. 

 

“Pap…”

 

“And yes you would be missed because I would miss you.” Sockets closed, tears still cascading, and sobs filling the room “You mean the world to me, dumbass.”

 

And Papyrus would remind him again and again until he believed him.


End file.
